


A New Chapter For Us

by orphan_account



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alcohol, Alternate Universe - After College/University, Angst with an Open Ending, Emotional Baggage, Gen, M/M, Open Ending, Sort Of, The Author Regrets Nothing, Weddings, but they fix things, changbin centric, changbin has a dog, changbin needs a nice long hug, exes to friends, moving forward, not a lot of romance, subtle character development, tattooist changbin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:21:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24491947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Seungmin broke his heart a year ago and Changbin can't seem to move on, even though he tells himself he has.So when a mutual friend invites them both to his wedding, Changbin starts to remember the year he and Seungmin spent together, and decides that maybe he's ready to finally, finally move on.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix, Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin, Yang Jeongin | I.N/Choi Beomgyu
Comments: 1
Kudos: 46





	A New Chapter For Us

**Author's Note:**

> heyyyy this is my first ao3 work O__O 
> 
> I wrote this on a whim and it's kinda lame but the thought had been sitting at the back of my mind for awhile and i finally finished it after having it sitting in my drafts for two months at most so enjoy or don't its your choice :D  
> there's flowers mentioned and they have specific meanings to the moment  
> the first flowers mentioned are pink and red camellias, pink camellias: longing for you, red camellias: you're a flame in my heart  
> and forget-me-nots: True love memories, do not forget me  
> changbin is a secret flower nerd

**June 30th, 2019**

Here's how Changbin’s typical weekend goes.

Friday, he closes his shop and goes home at eleven pm. He feeds his dog, (he got her last year, after everything happened), cuddles up on the couch to watch a movie, and then passes out after two glasses of wine.

Saturday morning he wakes up, showers, and spends the day cooped up in his home studio. He tries his best to put something together. Something worth his time. By the time 5:30 rolls around, he’s scrapped everything and taken up refuge in a different room of his too-big apartment. He goes to bed at 3 am that night for no reason other than his thoughts being too loud.

Sunday afternoon is when he wakes up. This is the point when he’s thinking about everything that went wrong and the regrets he harbors and he leaves his text messages open to one in particular for an hour. He’ll type out a million different paragraphs, but none of them are good enough to follow the last _“I love you”._

And then Monday morning rolls around and he’ll forget any of that ever happened and his week will continue as normal. Sometimes he’ll go out for drinks with a friend or he’ll take his dog to the park, but he doesn’t dwell on the past. He _can’t_ dwell on the past.

So, when an old friend calls him, what else can he do except answer? 

_“Changbin! I was wondering if you would pick up.”_ Hyunjin’s too-cheerful voice drifts through the speaker of Changbin’s phone. He had just finished another client, sending them off with a tattoo of their cat’s face and a very detailed list of instructions explaining how to take care of the ink until it heals.

“Why wouldn’t I pick up, Hyunjin?” Changbin tries to reply as nonchalantly as he can. 

The other line is quiet for only a second, but the silence speaks volumes. _“Nothing. I just wanted to tell you some good news.”_

“Oh yeah? What’s up?” Good news. What had he missed out on his friend's life in the past few months?

_Felix and I-”_

_“We’re getting married, Changbinnie!”_ The unmistakable squeal of one Lee Felix forces Changbin to jerk the phone away from his ear for a split second to avoid going deaf.

And then the statement processes.

_Married._

“ _Oh.”_ The word comes out two octaves too high. He clears his throat. “Oh, congratulations. That’s amazing, guys. Have a date set?”

_“Next weekend, actually.”_ Felix announced. his tone remained as chipper as ever. 

“Oh. A little soon, don’t you think?” Changbin chuckled, trying his best to pretend he didn't care as much as he did.

_“We’ve… been engaged for a couple months, actually.”_ Hyunjin responded this time, a little sheepishly. 

For some reason, that hurt more than it should. He considered hanging up right then and there but his mother had raised a gentleman and it would be rude of him to do that to a friend. Besides, they had been Seungmin’s friends in the breakup, so they had no obligation to keep Changbin up to speed with their life.

Actually, he wonders why they’re even telling him in the first place.

Still, he puts on his best smile and voids his voice of any negative emotion. “Oh, okay. Well, I hope the wedding goes smoothly and I wish you both the best in life.”

_“Wait- Don’t hang up yet!”_ Felix yelled hurriedly. _“We called to invite you to the wedding.”_

And there it was.

“Oh.” Is all Changbin could say.

_“You don’t have to-”_

“No! It’s cool, I’ll come! Gotta see how you’re gonna manage to get Lee Felix all dressed up, afterall.” He felt lightheaded. “Is uh, is _he_ gonna be there?”

Felix and Hyunjin are both silent for a suffocating few seconds. Changbin almost regrets asking, he had no right to do so whatsoever. The question just slipped out. 

When the silence dragged on longer than Changbin liked, he cleared his throat. “Uh, is anyone still there?”

_“Yes! Sorry. Um..”_ Hyunjin paused. _“Yeah, he’ll be there.”_

“Great.” Changbin’s voice is barely a whisper. “See you next weekend.”

_“I’ll send you the details.”_ Felix’s voice softens considerably. Changbin can hear the frown.

“Okay. Bye.” He hangs up.

And he goes home. 

  
  
  


**january 23rd, 2017**

“Dude, literally,” Minho slapped a hand on the table, causing their drinks to slosh just a little. “Just ask him already!”

“It’s not that easy, Minho! He’s Kim Seungmin! He’s perfect and beautiful and smart and popular and just out of reach, yet so close.” Changbin droned dramatically. He grabbed a tater tot off Minho’s plate, popping it into his mouth.

Seungmin and Changbin had met three years ago, when Seungmin was in his junior year of uni, and Changbin was in his senior year, at a party that Changbin had gone to get shitfaced and Seungmin had been dragged to. Changbin had been more than drunk, stumbling around with his arm thrown around Jisung’s shoulders and nonsensical babbles leaving his mouth, probably something about the vast universe and life itself, as Changbin was known for getting too deep and poetic when he’s had few too many to drink. Jisung was just giggling to himself, patting Changbin’s chest as he nodded along to whatever his friend was saying. 

“...Just imagine what life would be like if we could…” Changbin trailed off, his thoughts processing too slowly. Then, he giggled, and sloshed his drink around as he stared at it. “My drink looks funny.”

“Sure, buddy.” Jisung just laughed along with him and dragged him towards the stairs so they could get out of the crowd. Halfway there, somewhere between the crowd dancing in the halls and the trash-littered stairs, Changbin stumbled to the left after stepping on an empty can, and crashed right into someone; spilling the rest of his drink all over them.

“Hey! Watch where you’re going.” The stranger grumbled, grabbing the ends of his shirt to hold it out. “Ugh, my favorite shirt, too.”

Changbin could hear Jisung apologizing somewhere off to his side, and then the boy slipped away from his side after announcing he was going to retrieve some napkins, but Changbin could only stare, awestruck, at the boy in front of him. Most of his features were highlighted by the neon flashing lights strobing around them, blues and pinks and greens all mixing together on his cheekbones. Changnin could make out a small mole on his left cheek, but he was more focused on the boy’s pretty eyes, framed by glasses, and his lips pulled into a thin line. Somewhere in his drunk haze, he tried to put a name to the boy’s face, but came up blank.

“You’re staring.” The boy finally said.

“You’re pretty.” Changbin mumbled. He lifted his cup to his mouth to take a sip, only to realize that he had spilled the last of it on the boy in front of him. “Oopsie.”

“Do you want another one?” The boy asked, reaching up to carefully take the plastic cup from Changbin’s hand. Changbin stared at him, unable to see the pink blush on the boy’s cheeks, and he just nodded a little.

“Come on.” 

Changbin let the boy drag him to the kitchen–which, surprisingly, was the least populated room in the house at the moment–and he leaned against the counter when the boy told him to. 

“I’m Seungmin, by the way.” He said, finally, as he pushed the button on the fridge door for ice, watching the cubes tumble into Changbin’s cup.

“Pretty…” Changbin mumbled again. 

Seungmin just snorted and pressed the water button, waiting until the cup was half full, and then he handed it to Changbin. Changbin smiled gratefully and took a small sip, only to wrinkle his nose in surprise. “This isn’t beer.”

“No, it’s not. From the looks of you, I think you’ve had too much.” Seungmin told him. 

Changbin opened his mouth to protest, and then some sober demon inside him told him to shut up because honestly, Seungmin was right. After the two shots of vodka, a cup of rum and something else, and the two beers he had downed, he was pretty much smashed for the night. He would have a hell of a headache in the morning. 

So, instead, he just groaned and let his head fall back. Seungmin just chuckled and leaned against the counter across from him, crossing his arms. “What’s your name?”  
  
“Seo Changbin.” 

“Well, nice to meet you, Seo Changbin.”

  
  
  


“Yeah,” Minho’s voice snapped Changbin out of the memory. “ _And_ he's your best friend.”

“That doesn't matter, not really.” Changbin shook his head. “I just want to hang onto this fantasy I’ve built in my head. I don’t want it ruining the reality of my situation.”

“Which is?” 

“I’m in love with him and he doesn't feel the same.” Changbin answered dejectedly.

“You are ridiculous.” Minho scoffed. “And _stupidly_ oblivious!”

“Hey!” Changbin snapped, his bottom lip jutted in a pout.

“Oh, wipe that look off your face. I won’t fall for it like Seungmin would.” Minho waved Changbin off.

“You would if I was Jisung.”

Minho opened his mouth, presumably to respond, but no sound came out when the words properly clicked in his brain. He clamped his mouth shut and just swirled his chopsticks around in his noodles.

“That’s what I thought.” Changbin snorted. “I’ve made up my mind, Minho. I’m not asking him.”

“Don’t come crying to me when he decides he’s done waiting for you to make a move and moves on, then.” Minho just shrugged and picked up his soda, pointedly staring at Changbin as he took a sip.

Changbin just looked away.

  
  
  


**July 8th, 2019**

The days leading up to the wedding were some of Changbin’s worst. (overdramatically so.)

He was restless when sleeping, couldn’t stand still, and he was pretty sure his dog had just about enough of him.

He went suit shopping since his closet consisted only of t-shirts, sweaters, jeans, and joggers. That wasn’t a great experience either. The woman behind the counter asked if he was getting married, and he just returned the question with a tight-lipped smile and a “ _no”._

“I still don’t understand why you accepted the invite.” Jisung asked a few days from the date when the two of them sat down for lunch in their shared studio that afternoon.

“I felt it was… rude, to say no, Ji.” Changbin just shrugged. He watched his friend dip three fries into his milkshakes and just rolled his eyes. Jisung’s tastes were always questionable.

“You always have a choice, Changbin. Besides, they waited until a week before the wedding to even tell you it happened and they hadn't even spoken to you for how long?” Jisung jabbed a fry at Changbin’s face, doing his best to sound strict, but with his cheeks stuffed full of food, he just looked like an angry baby.

“Half a year.” Changbin replied, deflating just a little.

“What’s half a year?” Chan butted in as he plopped down next to Changbin on the couch with his own lunch.

“Since Hyunjin and Felix last spoke to Binnie.” Jisung explained through a large bite of burger. “Good news, Chan, the lovebirds are getting hitched!”

“You sound bitter, Sung.” Chan commented. 

“He’s just bitter because Hyunjin invited Changbin and not him.” Minho teased as he settled down next to the chubby-cheeked boy. Jisung pouted at his boyfriend but Minho just smiled fondly and kissed the boy. Chan gagged mockingly and Changbin just rolled his eyes, which earned both of them a pointed stare from Minho and Jisung’s embarrassed blush.

“I am not bitter that Hyunjin invited Changbin. I couldn’t care less about a wedding anyways.” Jisung muttered, keeping his eyes on his fries.

“Is that so?” Minho asked. 

“Unless it’s our wedding.” Jisung snorted, nudging Minho with his elbow. Changbin rolled his eyes, again.

“Should the three of us crash the wedding with you?” Minho asked, reaching across Jisung’s lap to steal a chicken nugget out of Chan’s bag.

“I don’t think that would be wise, but thanks.” Changbin just shook his head. The last thing he needed was his friends embarrassing the grooms.

“Suit yourself. Just call if you need one of us to get you, okay?” Minho leaned back as he offered Changbin a kind smile.

Changbin could only nod.

  
  
  


**March 18th, 2017**

“I’m asking him today.” Changbin declared when he entered the apartment he shared with Minho and Chan.

He had been debating back and forth with himself for a couple weeks now, on whether or not he should ask Seungmin on a date. Lately, Seungmin seemed different when they were together, more giggly, his cheeks flushed more often. At first, Changbin thought he was getting sick or something, but after a talk or two with Jisung and Minho, he realized that was not the case at all. 

At least, so he hoped.

Minho and Chan shared a glance from where they sat on the couch and then looked at Changbin in confusion. “Asking who?” Minho asked.

“Seungmin. I’m gonna ask him on a date.” Changbin clarified, gesturing towards the flowers in his hand. Chan’s eyebrows shot up into his bangs and Minho’s eyes widened, both clearly shocked at the announcement. 

“And what prompted this decision?” Chan inquired, setting his laptop aside. 

“Um… A rare burst of confidence?” Changbin replied weakly, a sheepish smile on his face.

“Extremely rare.” Minho muttered under breath. Chan shoved his shoulder, causing the other man to yelp in surprise.

“Look I just… I don’t want to lose the chance because I was too much of a coward.” Changbin muttered. “If you and Jisung were right, Minho, then… he’s waiting for me.”

His friends are quiet for a few moments, most likely absorbing his words, and then Minho smiles. “Well, then what are you standing around here for?”

Changbin paused, his eyes widening, and then he slapped his forehead with a groan. “I’m so used to telling you two everything. Okay, I’m going now!”

“Good luck!” Chan called after him as he turned on his heel and left the apartment again. 

The bus ride to Seungmin’s apartment felt slower than usual. Changbin sat near the back, against the window, his grip on the flowers gentle. He tried to figure out what he was even going to say to Seungmin when he arrived. Maybe something like, _“Hey! I’m in love with you and even though I’m bad at reading people I think you feel the same! Go on a date with me?”_

He felt ridiculous.

“Who’s the lucky person?” A voice beside him startled him out of his thoughts.

He looked to his right to see an elderly woman sitting next to him, a questioning smile on her face. Slowly, he shook his head. “He’s my best friend. If all goes well…” He trailed off, staring into the pink and red camellias that made up his bouquet.

“Ah,” The woman hummed. “Well, he’s very lucky to be receiving such beautiful flowers. And such a beautiful young man!”

Changbin felt his cheeks warm. “Thanks. I hope he feels the same.”

The elevator ride up to Seungmin’s floor was painfully slower than the bus. He remembered somewhere between floor 2 and floor 3 that Seungmin was roommates with Hyunjin, and he sincerely hoped the tall boy was not home. One, because he didn't want to deal with the embarrassment of Hyunjin teasing them if Seungmin accepted, and two, he didn't want to deal with the embarrassment of Hyunjin’s _pity_ if Seungmin rejected him. 

He felt sweaty.

Finally, he heard the familiar _ding_ that told him he reached Seungmin’s floor, and the elevator doors slid open. He took a deep breath and headed down the hall to apartment 402B, stood in front of it for a good three minutes, and then finally, _finally,_ knocked.

It was silent for a few seconds too long, and then the apartment door swung open to reveal Seungmin. His hair was a little messy and his glasses were askew on his face, giving Changbin the impression that the boy had just woken up from an unplanned nap on the couch. 

Still, he looked beautiful.

“Binnie,” Seungmin smiled. “What a pleasant surprise.”

“I got you flowers.” Changbin blurted, shoving the flowers towards his friend.

Seungmin jerked back, his eyes wide, and then he breathes a soft chuckle and takes the bouquet. “They’re pretty.”

“Yeah.” Changbin chokes out. “Like you.”

“You’re not intoxicated are you?” Seungmin’s voice is light, clearly teasing. “Last time you called me pretty, you were drunk.”

“That’s not true.” Changbin pouted.

“Yeah, you usually call me beautiful.” Seungmin glanced at Changbin as he held the flowers up to his nose to smell them.

Changbin opened his mouth to respond, only to clamp it shut again as his cheeks burned. Seungmin giggled and leaned against his doorframe. “So, did you come here just to give me the flowers?”

“Oh,” Changbin deadpanned. “Right.”

Seungmin raised an eyebrow, but stayed silent, urging Changbin to continue.

“Will you go on a date with me?” Changbin rushed the words out, his heart drumming against his ribcage. He was positive it was loud enough for the entire floor to hear at this point.

Seungmin’s eyes widened comically and his mouth formed an ‘o’ shape. It became very clear that was not the question he was expecting from Changbin, but he also didn't look angry or disgusted. Maybe that was a good thing. 

Then again, a whole minute of silence passed after his question.

“Y-You don’t have to. I just- it was just- I-I’m sorry for waking you-”

“Changbin.” Seungmin’s cut him off. Changbin gulped, averting his gaze to his shoes as he awaited the rejection.

It never came, though.

“Yes, I would love to go on a date with you.” Seungmin answered, finally.

Changbin’s head shot up. He met Seungmin’s smiling face, and all the pent up anxiety and fear in his chest burst and gave way to relief; the force was so powerful it brought tears to his eyes. “Oh my god.”

Seungmin laughed, his head thrown back. Changbin smiled so wide his cheeks hurt, but he didn't care, not really.

Kim Seungmin wanted to go on a date with him.

  
  
  


**July 10th, 2019**

  
  


Usually, on wednesdays, Changbin would stay late at work. He would return home around twelve am, his dog clinging to his side more than usual. (and months ago, that would’ve been Seungmin instead.)

Today, though, he didn't go into work at all. Minho and Jisung insisted on dragging him out to do some last minute shopping so he didn't show up with a half-assed look to the wedding.

“If you’re gonna go to a wedding that your ex-who-broke-your-heart is attending, you gotta show up looking like the hottest bitch in town. A suit and a little hairspray won’t do the trick.” Minho had explained as he dragged Changbin up and down isles of makeup. Jisung spent about 30 minutes picking out the perfect cologne, which Changbin insisted was unnecessary, only to be shushed everytime. Afterwards, the two took Changbin home and insisted on staying the night. Changbin couldn’t say no to them. 

So that led to Minho setting up a movie as Jisung brought over a bowl of popcorn. Neither of them allowed Changbin to move an inch from the couch, and eventually he was sandwiched between the couple as some cheesy rom-com played on his million-dollar TV that his parents bought for him some Christmases ago.

But Changbin wasn’t paying attention to the movie. Truly, it was the first time in months that he had really paid attention to the TV at all, but that was probably because of the TV stand it sat on. Seungmin had been the one who bought it, so he didn’t like sitting in the same room as it that often. But now, as he sat here, half zoned out between two warm bodies, he saw it.

Seungmin’s old set of keys to the apartment. Dopey little puppy keychain attached and all. Why he noticed now, of all times, only days before he was going to be seeing his ex again, was beyond him, and before he knew it, he was off the couch and stumbling onto the balcony for fresh air.

The TV paused and he felt arms lift him off the cold cement and into a warm hug. He clung to his friend’s shirt, sudden tears soaking through the fabric as he sobbed quietly into Minho’s shoulder. The older man quietly shushed him, whispering words of comfort in his ear.

“Why did he do it, Minho? Why did he leave?” Changbin asked in a barely-audible whisper. “He promised he would never leave.”

“Sometimes people make promises they don’t intend to keep. I’m sorry that you just happened to be a victim of that, Binnie.” Minho responded sympathetically, but his voice held bitter undertones.

“It’s been months, Minho. _Months._ Why do I still love him so much? Why can’t I stop thinking about him?” Changbin agonized. “I keep finding parts of him still laying around the apartment, like no matter what I do to get rid of him, he just won’t stop reappearing.”

Minho stayed silent, as if he didn't know what to say. Changbin didn't blame him, because what _could_ he say? 

“ _I don’t want to love him anymore, Minho_.”

  
  


**July 29th, 2017**

A few months into their relationship, Seungmin began growing distant. When Changbin would ask for a kiss or a little time with his boyfriend, he would be met with excuses as to why Seungmin couldn't be with him then.

A paper due.

A test the next day.

Vocal lessons.

Sleep schedule.

Changbin tried to be patient, he really did, but it grew harder as the weeks dragged on with little to no attention from his boyfriend. So one, quiet night, when it was just the two of them, Changbin settled on his boyfriend’s lap, his legs on either side of Seungmin’s hips, in the hopes of getting him to talk.

“Changbin, I’m trying to study.” Seungmin sighed.

“Are you avoiding me?” Changbin asked bluntly. He saw no reason to poke around the bush.

“What?” Seungmin set his pencil down and leaned back to meet Changbin’s eyes. He looked genuinely confused. “Why would you think that?”

“It’s been weeks, Seungmin. You’ve barely paid me any attention.” Changbin mumbled, though his bottom lip jutted in a pout as he slumped just a little. He almost felt bad for jumping to insecure conclusions.

Seungmin’s expression blanked, the way it does when he’s processing what someone’s said to him, and then he realizes the weight of Changbin’s words. “Oh, god, Changbin. I’m sorry. Has it really been weeks?”

Changbin nodded. Something about the question tweaked him the wrong way, but he tried not to jump to any more conclusions.

“Shit.” Seungmin whispered. Slowly, his arms wrapped around Changbin’s waist and he hugged him close. “I’m so sorry. I’ve been so distracted with my studies, I didn’t mean to make you think I was avoiding you–not that that’s an excuse, I know. God, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Changbin mumbled, letting his arms hang over Seungmin’s shoulders, pressing his face into his boyfriend’s neck. He didn’t feel fine.

“It’s not. I should be putting in more effort.” Seungmin shook his head. “Let me make it up to you–and I promise to make more time for you.”

“Spend the night with me tonight. No studying.” Changbin requested. He leaned back and grasped the front of Seungmin’s shirt, looking at him pleadingly. “We can work out the rest of that later.”

Seungmin smiled softly, leaning forward to peck the tip of his boyfriend’s nose before gently nudging him off his lap so he could stand. He wasted no time in carefully walking Changbin back against the bed; never once breaking eye contact.

They spent that night tangled in each other, foreheads touching and arms wrapped tightly around each other. For a moment, Changbin could let go of everything else around him and focus only on Seungmin’s sweet smile and soft voice, the smell of pine and lavender, and the soft kisses pressed to his cheeks and lips. At that moment, only Seungmin mattered.

  
  


**July 12, 2019**

The day before the wedding, Changbin couldn’t sleep. His mind was filled with thoughts of matrimony, of his friends finally tying the knot. He tried to be excited, happy for them, he tried focusing on that, but his mind just kept straying to Seungmin. He didn’t even know what he would say to him if they crossed paths. Would he be angry? Would he cry? He didn’t know.

He just sighed and rolled out of his bed, checking the time on his clock. _3:12 AM._ He grumbled to himself and stood, stretching out his arms and legs before leaving his room. His dog jogged along beside him, the comforting warmth she radiated seeping through his skin. 

When he reached the kitchen, he poured himself a glass of water and took a seat at his island counter where he left his phone to charge. He stared at the device, gently sloshing his glass of water and listening to the ice cubes clink against the sides. After a moment of contemplation, he reached over and grabbed his phone, unlocking it and opening it to his messages with Seungmin. He tapped the message bar, his head spinning as he tried to think of something to say.

_“Hey, remember me? You broke up with me a year ago!”_ _  
_ _“Hope you’re doing well!”_

_“So, Hyunjin and Felix, huh? Who would’ve thought?”_

_“I miss you.”_

He just deleted each one. The last message, from June 24th, a simple _“I love you”,_ stared Changbin in the face. Taunting him. He remembered that day clearly, like it was yesterday. He had a whole day planned for the two of them, had told Seungmin to meet him at Jeongin’s cafe. Everything seemed fine, but maybe he should’ve known something was wrong when Seungmin didn’t return the sentiment. He had told himself that day, that the boy was just getting ready or had gotten distracted.  
  
Turns out, he just didn’t love Changbin anymore.

With a frustrated huff, Changbin turned his phone off and dropped it onto the counter. His dog whined, pressing herself against the floor, and she stared up at him pitifully. Changbin looked at her with a scowl. “Don’t look at me like that.” 

Another whine.

“I know I shouldn’t care anymore. He made his choice. I should’ve moved on by now.” He muttered.

A tiny huff.

“Yeah, yeah. Right.” He rolled his eyes.  
  


“There’s no one like Kim Seungmin.”

  
  
  


**July 13th, 2019**

Minho drove Changbin to the wedding. He had offered to be Changbin’s plus one, but Changbin figured he should do this alone. Hyunjin and Minho hadn’t really ever gotten along that well, and Minho had never even met Felix, so Changbin felt like having his friend there might make things awkward.

He stared at the little pink and white bag in his lap. His gift was a salt and pepper shaker set, designed to look like a pair of dancers. He figured it was fitting, since Hyunjin and Felix were both dancers. He just hoped they would like it. With a sigh, he reached up and patted his coat pocket. As a last minute decision, he had removed the puppy keychain from Seungmin’s old set of keys to return it to the boy if they bumped into each other. Maybe it would help him let go.

“If you need someone to pick you up or you change your mind about us crashing, just shoot me a text, okay?” Minho finally broke the silence as he pulled to a stop outside the venue.

Changbin stared at the decorated building outside the car, watching as a couple of people milled around outside, before nodding in thanks. “I don’t think that’ll be necessary, but thanks anyways.”  
  
Minho patted his shoulder and offered a sympathetic smile as Changbin opened the passenger door and slid out. With one last wave at his friend, he closed the door and watched the man drive off to meet his boyfriend.

“Changbin!” 

A voice off to his side caught his attention. He turned to see a (recently dyed) pink-haired Jeongin jogging towards him, and a wave of nostalgia washed over him. He had met Jeongin through Seungmin–just like Hyunjin and eventually Felix–but they had managed to remain somewhat close in the breakup. Jeongin still invited him out occasionally, and last he heard, Jeongin was dating someone. 

“Hey, kid!” Changbin greeted cheerfully. He smiled as Jeongin came to stop in front of him and allowed the taller boy to hug him with a small laugh.

“I didn’t think I’d see you here!” Jeongin said as he pulled away to get a better look at his friend. “You look good.”

Changbin shrugged, though his cheeks warmed a little at the praise. “Hyunjin and Felix personally invited me. I think it would’ve been rude to say no to that.” 

Jeongin chuckled. “Yeah, probably. Oh-! I want you to meet my boyfriend, come here!”

Changbin let the boy pull him over to another man standing near the entrance to the chapel, dressed in a clean-cut tux, his hair styled neatly over his forehead. Changbin only half listened as Jeongin introduced them and then started a whole story on how the two of them met and the boy–Beomgyu–could only smile fondly at Jeongin. Changbin tried to focus, really, but it was hard to. His attention kept straying, trying to spot Seungmin, trying to figure out if he should leave or not.

“Binnie?” Jeongin’s voice calling to him broke him out of his thoughts.

“Hm?”

“Are you okay?” The boy asked. He looked concerned.

“Oh, yeah. I’m… I’m okay. I think I’m gonna go sit down.” He murmured. 

When he turned to leave, though, Jeongin’s hand grabbed his arm and pulled him back. He opened his mouth to protest, but Jeongin just slapped a hand over his mouth and spun him around so his back was to the other people waiting outside. A feeling of dread settled in his stomach as he realized who had probably arrived.

“Gyu, tell him about your parents, or something.” Jeongin mumbled, and then he was gone. Changbin, against better judgement, looked over his shoulder to see if his suspicions were correct.

There stood Kim Seungmin.

Changbin gulped, watching his ex laugh at something Jeongin said. He looked good–healthy, happy. He must’ve moved on by now, he must be living his best life. Changbin exhaled and averted his gaze, staring at his shoes instead.

“Ex boyfriend?” Beomgyu’s voice reached his ears.

“Yeah.” Changbin whispered.

  
  
  


The wedding service felt slower than Changbin liked. He sat somewhere near the back, in between an elderly woman who looked vaguely like Felix and a pair of small children who had fallen asleep around the beginning of the service. 

Changbin tried to pay attention to the officiant talk about love, the same old scripted speech he’s heard at plenty of other weddings, but he could only focus on the boy sitting three rows in front of him. He could only see the back of Seungmin’s head, his usual dark brown hair no longer dark, now it was a sort of sandy brown, maybe dirty blond—changbin couldn’t tell in the lighting—. It had been a year since he had been this close to Seungmin. A year since he had even seen the other man. 

A year since his heart had been broken.

A year since Seungmin sat down in the booth of Jeongin’s café, looked Changbin in the eye, and said he wanted to break up, that he felt like they were drifting too much, on two paths that were too different from each other. He didn't feel like they fit into each other’s lives properly anymore. Changbin wonders, sometimes, if he had put up more of a fight, begged for them to work it out, if they would still be together now. 

He reached up and touched his coat pocket, feeling the outline of the keychain. His eyes watered, and through his tears, he stared at the back of Seungmin’s head. Somewhere inside of him, deep down, he felt anger begin to blossom in him, some long-harbored bud of resentment and hurt and sorrow that had rooted the second Seungmin opened his mouth and spoke the dreaded words.

The woman next to him nudged his arm. He blinked, and realized his eyelashes and cheeks were wet. He looked at the woman, and she smiled kindly as she held her handkerchief out to him. Changbin looked at the piece of cloth, and then gave her a tight-lipped smile as he took it and dried his tears.

“Someone you know?” She asked softly.

“What?” Changbin whispered, glancing at her in confusion.

“That young man you’re staring at.” She explained, gesturing towards Seungmin. 

“Oh,” Changbin sighed. He handed her handkerchief back. “Yeah, something like that.”

“Weddings are always emotional.” Is all the woman replied with.

Changbin almost laughed. She was right, honestly. Around him, Changbin could count at least five people who had started crying during Hyunjin’s vows. He thought it was ridiculous, but then he remembered all the times he and Seungmin had talked about _their_ wedding, how Seungmin promised he would write the most beautiful vows for Changbin. Changbin had laughed and joked that he would probably end up writing a rap for his vows. Seungmin smiled, and told him that he wouldn't mind. He would just love him even more for it.

“Sure, emotional.” Changbin muttered. 

“Do you, Hwang Hyunjin, take Lee Felix, to be your husband? To not only give love, support and understanding, but also to fully accept these things as well? _”_

Changbin turned his attention to the front. Hyunjin was smiling at Felix, their hands linked and their eyes watery. Changbin knew that look. He saw it when he looked at Minho and Jisung. They were in love.

“I do.” Hyunjin spoke through the silence in the room.

“And do you, Lee Felix, take Hwang Hyunjin to be your husb-”

“I do.” Felix answered before the officiant could even finish his words. Everyone chuckled lightly and Hyunjin had to stifle a full laugh. Even Changbin smiled just a little, because that was just like Felix.

The officiant asked for the rings, and the little boy—Changbin guessed he was Felix’s nephew, they had the same nose—stepped forward with the two bands. The officiant thanked him and continued with his speech, droning on about how beautiful love is, etcetera, etcetera. Changbin zoned out again, staring at the pink and white bag in his lap instead.

He wondered what Seungmin’s gift for the couple was.

He laughed, finally, a small and quiet chuckle. He felt stupid. Seungmin had moved on so long ago, even before they broke up, and Changbin still couldn't let go. He wasn’t being fair to himself, and he wasn’t being fair to Seungmin by not letting go. He would make sure to change that today.

Finally the officiant finished and Hyunjin and Felix shared their kiss and the crowd erupted into cheers and applause. Changbin joined, trying to ignore the eyes on him. Somewhere in the back of his mind, the annoying, nagging thought that Seungmin could still pick his voice out in a crowd tried to push itself to the forefront of his thoughts, but Changbin forced it back. He was here for the wedding, not his ex boyfriend.

  
  
  


Eventually the reception began and Changbin could finally leave his gift with the others. He spotted Seungmin’s right away, the unmistakable cursive print of his signature practically screaming at Changbin for his attention. Instead, he just turned and found his table that he was sharing with the woman from the service, who shared her handkerchief with him, Jeongin and Beomgyu and-

And Seungmin.

“Fucking hell.” He whispered, staring at the nametag sitting across from his own. “Who pulled this little stunt?”

Instead of sitting down like he had originally planned, he made a bee-line for the—thankfully—open bar and ordered a shot. If he was going to be stuck at the same table as his ex boyfriend, he needed some alcohol in his system first.

The bartender offered him a sympathetic smile that he ignored as he downed the shot. He shook his head when she offered another and thanked her instead before returning to his seat as someone stepped up to the mic on the small stage to the left of Hyunjin and Felix’s table. The couple were clinging to each other, giddy smiles on their faces. Changbin smiled to himself when he finally sat down. 

Seungmin was nowhere to be seen.

The man at the mic told a few lighthearted jokes that caused a ripple of laughter through the crowd, and then he went on to announce they would have a live band performing for the wedding. Another man stepped onto the stage after that and talked about the song he would sing for the grooms’ first dance, and a gentle hush fell over the crowd as Hyunjin and Felix took up their place in the middle of the dance floor.

Jeongin and Beomgyu finally took their seats as the song started, hands linked. Changbin glanced at them, shooting Jeongin a questioning look. His friend glanced at his boyfriend before leaning closer to Changbin.

“He forgot our gift at home.” Jeongin explained. Changbin snorted, unexpectedly, before quickly covering his mouth when Jeongin scowled at him.

“Sorry, sorry. Absolutely not funny.” Changbin whispered.

Jeongin tried to look annoyed still, but then he cracked and smiled. “Who’s supposed to sit there?” He asked instead, gesturing at the empty seat.

Changbin’s face fell, his shoulders sagging. The keychain in his pocket felt heavy suddenly, too heavy, as though trying to drag him down, down, down, until he could no longer see the light. 

So much for letting go.

“Um… Min- Seungmin.” Changbin whispered. He winced, when he realized the nickname almost slipped, and then it hit him that he hadn’t spoken the man’s name in a year. 

“Who the fuck seated him with you?” Jeongin hissed, staring at the name tag marking Seungmin’s empty seat.

Changbin snorted. “‘Hell if I know. Feels like some cruel prank the universe is playing on me.”

“He’s not here though.” Jeongin pointed out the obvious. “You think he saw your tag and decided to dip?”

“Why would he care if I’m here?” Changbin muttered. “He didn't seem to care before.”

Jeongin didn't respond right away. Changbin glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, catching the look on his face. His lips were pressed in a thin line and his eyebrows were drawn together. He looked distressed, but deep in thought.

“Jeongin.” Changbin nudged him. His friend shook his head, looking towards him again. “You look constipated.”

Jeongin gasped and shoved Changbin lightly, trying to play off the way his cheeks turned pink in embarrassment. Changbin giggled and ruffled the boy’s hair, which only caused Jeongin’s cheeks to redden more. “You're mean, Binnie.”

Changbin just laughed, but didn't respond. The music stopped and Hyunjin dipped Felix back, kissing his husband deeply, and the crowd was a mix of laughs and a few ‘aw’s, but Changbin was among the very few who stayed silent completely. He was focused on Seungmin’s empty seat instead. It was unlike the man to be absent like this, no matter what the situation was. He would even show up to classes sick sometimes, so it was odd to Changbin that he wasn't here while his best friends were dancing. 

“I’ll be right back.” Changbin whispered to Jeongin. He stood and left the table before Jeongin could say anything. 

Maybe looking for Seungmin was a bad idea, and would cause more problems than Changbin needed right now, but even after a year he couldn't help being worried about his ex. There was a chance that Seungmin had left already, but that seemed very unlike him. He was never one to leave an important event unless he had a very good reason to.

Maybe he deemed the ex-whose-heart-he-broke to be a good enough reason though.

After some searching, Changbin finally found himself exploring the garden. He told himself that he was still looking for Seungmin, but the longer he paced up and down the pathways and allowed his thoughts to wander, he realized he was just out here for himself instead. He wasn’t really one for parties anymore, no matter the pretense, and the only people he really knew among the crowd weren’t the most sociably available people right now, since two of them were the grooms, one was more focused on his boyfriend, and the other was, well, missing.

Besides, Changbin had always loved flowers.

He pulled the keychain out of his pocket and weighed it in his hand. He remembered the day that he and Seungmin got it, at the boardwalk fair. Seungmin had wanted a plushie, one of the big ones, but unfortunately, carnival games are rigged and Changbin didn't have the best hand to eye coordination, but he still tried to win the puppy plushie at the ballon dart booth.

_“You got this, Binnie!”_ Seungmin’s voice still cheered him on, loud and clear.

He aimed, as best as he could. He really did try, and a stroke of good luck got him one popped balloon and the puppy keychain. He had apologized that he couldn't win the plushie, but Seungmin just smiled, like he always did, and planted a kiss on his boyfriend’s cheek.

_“It’s perfect. I’ll keep it with me, always.”_ He had promised.

Seems like some promises are just made to be broken.

Changbin, lost in thought, missed the quiet humming as he rounded a corner. He stopped, only noticing a new presence in front of him, and his head shot up. Standing there, in the garden, surrounded by flowers, is Kim Seungmin. The sunlight highlighted his most prominent features—nose bridge, lips, cheekbones—and he looked angelic. Changbin could only stand there, in awe, and think, _he’s still beautiful._ And of course he’s still beautiful, he’s always beautiful, and he always will be; he’s Kim Seungmin. But there, in the natural light, he was ethereal. It was a stab to Changbin’s heart, and a kickstart.

Seungmin’s humming ceased, and his hand fell from the flower he was observing. Changbin wanted to leave, to drop the keychain and run, but he was rooted to the spot. Besides, it was too late, Seungmin already knew he was there. It would be pointless to leave.

“Hey.” Seungmin said. He still hadn’t looked at Changbin.

This was the first time Changbin had heard his voice in a year.

“Hey.” Changbin whispered.

Finally, Seungmin lifted his gaze to meet Changbin’s, and he _smiled._ “Funny seeing you here. You look good.”

Changbin, despite himself, laughed. “Yeah. If I imagined us meeting again, it definitely was not at a wedding.”

“ _If_ you imagined.” Seungmin’s voice was barely audible, like he was speaking to himself more than he was Changbin, but Changbin still heard him. Then, louder, “What’s that?”

Seungmin was never one to keep his nose out of other’s business.

“Hm? Oh, right.” Changbin looked at the keychain in his hand. “The keychain from the boardwalk. I found it while… cleaning, the other day. Figured I would return it to you.”

“You’re still a terrible liar.” Seungmin said bluntly as he stepped closer to Changbin and held his hand out.

“You could at least pretend to believe me.” Changbin huffed and handed the keychain to his ex-boyfriend.

“You know I physically cannot tell a lie.” Seungmin had probably meant it to be a joke, but it caused a bitter taste to settle on Changbin’s tongue.

“Yeah, I definitely know.” He muttered. “Anyways, you have that, so I’ll be going now.”

“You’re not staying?” Seungmin asked.

“The only people I know here are you, the grooms, and Jeongin, and you broke my heart, the grooms are more focused on each other, and Jeongin has his boyfriend.” Changbin tried to keep his voice level, even when Seungmin winced. “I’m gonna be pretty miserable if I stay.”

Seungmin doesn't respond, not right away at least. Changbin almost thinks he isn't going to, and it’s only when he turns to leave does Seungmin finally speak. 

“Let’s catch up.”

Changbin stops mid-turn, staring at his own blurry reflection in his shoes (Jisung had insisted they shine). Part of him wants to keep walking, to leave Seungmin there, but the part that’s too curious about how Seungmin has been doing in the past year wins, and he gives Seungmin a polite smile. “Okay, sure.”

Seungmin sighs in relief and sits down on the bench in front of the flower bush—forget-me-nots—and pats the spot next to him. Changbin hesitates, and then sits down as well, as close to the end opposite of Seungmin as he could.

They’re quiet for a few, long, suffocating moments, unsure of how to proceed, and then Seungmin speaks. “I’m a substitute teacher now.”

Changbin looked at him in surprise. “You actually did it.”

Seungmin smiled. “Yeah, I did. I mean, it’s not a permanent position yet, but there’s high hopes.” 

“That’s- That’s good. I’m happy for you.” He meant it. It had been Seungmin’s biggest wish, to teach new generations, and teach them properly. “What grade?”

“Depends on where I’m needed, but it’s mostly been elementary kids so far.” Seungmin explained.

“Are you happy?” Changbin asked.

Seungmin didn't answer right away. He stared at Changbin, expression unreadable, and then he smiled. It was forced, but to an untrained eye, it looked genuine. Seungmin had always called it his ‘customer service smile’, but Changbin knew that wasn’t really it. It was his smile he used when he wasn’t happy, when something else was wrong. The last time Changbin saw it was when Seungmin broke up with him.

“Sure, happy,” Seungmin murmured. “Yeah, I suppose.”

“You just told a lie.” Changbin stared pointedly at him.

Seungmin blinked, surprise taking the place of the smile, and then he breathed a small chuckle. “Yeah, I guess I did.”

“Min.” Changbin spoke softly. He noticed Seungmin’s shoulders tense just barely at the nickname, and then the boy inhaled sharply.

“What about you? What’s new in your life?” He changed the subject easily, just like that. Changbin almost didn't want to let him, but it really wasn’t his place to ask anything remotely personal anymore.

Besides, what was new in his life? He stared at his lap, listening to the distant sounds of the party somewhere further inside the building. He had a dog, that was a big thing, right? He had finally released that mixtape that he’d been working on with Chan and Jisung. And he was still working at the tattoo parlor. He owned it now, though, that counted as something important, at least, he hopes.

“Still the same old stuff, I guess.” Is what he said instead. “I have a dog now.”

“You do?! What’s their name?” Seungmin’s eyes lit up, and as always, he looked so beautiful.

“Yejin. She’s a golden retriever, shiba-inu mix. Found her in one of those, ‘adopt me!’ boxes on the street around the beginning of the year, she was the last one there.” Changbin explained. “I call it fate that I found her that day.”

He’d been at an all time low that day, but Seungmin didn’t need to know that.

“Do you have a picture of her?” Seungmin asked.

“Yeah, hang on.” Changbin nodded, and he felt a smile creeping onto his face. He always loved being able to talk about his companion. He pulled his phone out and scrolled through his photos, finding the picture he had taken of Yejin at the park a couple weeks prior and held the phone out for Seungmin to take, but for some ungodly reason, the boy just scooted closer to him to get a closer look at the picture.

“She’s adorable! Oh my gosh, I love her.” Seungmin gasped.

Changbin smiled, and for a moment, things felt like before. Like when he would show Seungmin pictures of dogs he saw on twitter. He had the same smile on his face, the same sparkle in his eyes. “Yeah, she’s great. Keeps me grounded.”

“That’s good.” Seungmin nodded and looked up. Changbin realized, then, just how close they were. If he weren’t already on the edge of the bench, he would’ve moved back. Instead, he got an up close look as Seungmin expression shifted back in that unreadable look, before he leaned away and put space between them again.

“Yeah…” Changbin sighed as he pocketed his phone. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Seungmin fiddling with the keyring of his puppy, spinning it around his finger and forcing his thumbnail between the two bands. He was nervous.

“Have you uh… have you seen anyone, recently?” Seungmin asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

That confused Changbin. Why did Seungmin care whether he had dated anyone? In all honesty, Changbin felt that Seungmin didn't get to care about that, but instead of saying that, he just shook his head. “No. I’ve just focused on work and making music with Chris and Jisung. Haven’t had time for dating.”

“Ah.” Is all Seungmin said.

“You?” 

“No.” Seungmin shook his head, and then a sad smile crept across his face. “I tried to move on, but… no one was you.”

Changbin felt frozen. Never in a million years would he have imagined he would ever be having this conversation with Seungmin. “I’m afraid I don’t… understand.”

“I think I made a mistake before.” Seungmin said. “I was a coward.”

“Yeah, you could say that.” Changbin muttered, almost bitterly.

“I should’ve tried more.” Seungmin admitted as he closed his fist around the keychain.

“Maybe.” Changbin sighed.

“I miss you.” 

Changbin tensed, his grip on the bench under him tightening. He was beginning to wonder if he’d woken up in some parallel universe. Maybe if he pinched himself he would wake up a week ago before Hyunjin called and it would never happen in the first place.

“I’m not sure what you want me to say to that.” He whispered.

Seungmin is quiet for a moment. Changbin chances a glance at him, seeing that look on his face that told he was thinking. 

“I’m not asking for forgiveness, that wouldn’t be fair. I hurt you, a lot. There a lot of things I could’ve done differently when we were together.” Seungmin said. “I wasn’t a good boyfriend to you, and I regret that everyday, but you don’t owe me a second of your time.”

Changbin stares at him. He wonders, for a moment, if he had texted Seungmin before, would they have had this talk then. “Sometimes I… I sit and wonder if the good times we have together, outweigh the not so good times. I don’t want to call them bad, because they’re not. We just had a lot of… miscommunications.” He begins, almost hesitantly. “This past week, I have been doing nothing but remembering. Remembering us. It’s mostly been good.”

Seungmin looks hopeful, almost. Changbin chews on his bottom lip, his eyes fixed on the man sitting next to him. The man he still loves, despite everything. “I’m not ready to forgive, but I want to move forward. I don’t want to forget, because forgetting means starting over… that would be like restarting a book in the middle of a chapter, and that’s dumb. So… let’s start a new chapter instead.” 

At the beginning of the day, Changbin had wanted to forget and move on, to leave his chapter with Seungmin behind and to let go of his ex finally, for good. He was tired of hurting and he was tired of waking up every morning and wondering about the what ifs. Now, sitting here in the sunlight, surrounded by flowers with Seungmin, he realized that was not what he wanted at all. He didn't want to pick up where they left off, but he also didn't want to start over entirely. He wanted to get to know him again, and maybe, someday in the future, try loving again. 

Seungmin’s eyes water, on the verge of tears. Changbin is taken aback, he didn't expect Seungmin to actually cry. He had never exactly been an emotional person. So, unknowing of what else to do, Changbin reaches over and awkwardly pats Seungmin’s shoulder. A second of silence passes over them before they both start laughing.

“We should probably go back inside. I’m sure the grooms will be looking for us.” Seungmin gestures behind him when they hear a loud _pop!,_ probably a champagne bottle or a party-popper. 

“Wait.” Changbin keeps his hand on Seungmin’s shoulder. Seungmin looks at him, the small and confused pout on his face making him look like a puppy. “I… I missed you too.”

Seungmin blinks once, and then twice, and then he smiles. 

(The look on Jeongin’s face when they walk inside together, smiles on their faces, was absolutely priceless, and no matter how much their friend pestered them, they refused to give him the answers he wanted.)

FIN.

**Author's Note:**

> So fun! Open ending!  
> funny that my first work on ao3 is sad  
> but within in the next couple months i should have more, eventually  
> you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/flwrbins?s=21) !  
> and as for everything else going on, please remember to sign petitions for blm and use your voices to speak out, please


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